Woke up feeling bad. That same heavy feeling in my body and limbs. My head felt light and almost dizzy but that heavy feeling at the same time. Then I realized I had my counselor appointment just in time. It was a good session and I came away with some good tools to use and new perspectives. Yesterday was also a bad day feeling wise also. But, the senior luncheon was a big help to be around people for a change. And of course great food. I don't really think I go there for the food though...
Church was good tonight. Watching the kids play and interact with each other is just uplifting. They are so happy, untouched by the worlds problems. Tomorrow the Church has a big senior luncheon that I am really looking forward to! I'm not really a senior but they all made a point to make me feel welcome to come, so I'm going! LOL
Got that weird heavy feeling, head hurting. Been thinking about my Jersey Girl. I pray for God to keep you safe and happy. I Love You Janet...
Church tonight, thank goodness, I need something or someone to lift me up...
Today I actually don't feel too bad. I will do laundry today as the weather is good for the clothes line. The RV park I live in has machines that I can wash for $1 a load, but they don't have the hot water hooked up to the machine. So it is a compromise, but I save a buck by being able to air dry on the clothes line. Not bad.
Church on Wednesday, looking forward to it. Holding on till Friday to see my counselor.
I don't sleep well and I don't think I get much REM because of sleep apnea. BUT, early this morning I woke up to a strange dream. It was really weird. I was telling someone about some disaster that was going to happen to this castle that was on the sea/ocean. Of course no one believes me. When it actually happened I met with the Queen. (I know, really really lame dream...) And I was bowing and kissing her hand etc and she was thanking me and hugged my neck. Strange dream.
Today I'm doing OK. I worked on someone's computer. They had so many virus's and so I just had to save their photos onto a CDROM and then wipe the hard drive and reload windows. Then I had to install all the updates and get them a 60 day trial of Norton antivirus. I didn't get paid but I feel better helping someone out. Church on Wednesday, I'm looking forward to it. Someone gave me a jar of homemade blackberry jam in Church last night. When I got home I had a jam and and peanut butter sandwich to try it out. Man was it good! Holding in there till Friday when I can go see my counselor...
How am I today? Well, much better than yesterday. Nothing has changed financially. But my outlook is better. I did go to Church like I do every Sunday. I don't know how I would fare if I didn't. My next counseling session is this coming Friday. Gotta hold on till then. Been thinking about my ex. I really thought I would marry her. We connected on every level so well. Physically and emotionally. I still can remember the way she would hold her mouth a certain way, or look at me a certain way. I wonder if I made the right decision leaving her. When she drinks after about 3 months of being sober she is so mean and hateful. My counselor said I did the right thing leaving. That I had a strong sense of self preservation and that I would not be able to survive such a relationship with an alcoholic. Sometimes I wonder if it would be worth the three months of bliss between the times of hell she would put me through while moving her in and out of rehab... Sometimes I think it would be better than wondering if she were dead or not. It is almost like she died and I am in mourning and there is no closure. I still love her... It has been almost 2 months since I have seen or spoken to her but I have two little sea shells she gave me when we first started dating. I look at them everyday and ask God to protect her and forgive her. Janet, wherever you are, I Love You...
